THE GREAT LOST BARTENDARS 
FEATURED STORY

First time climbers looking to ascend a new mountain, be it one of the Rockies or Mount Everest, are considered wise if they tap a mountaineering guide to lead them up and down the slopes. The same philosophy goes for anyone looking to plumb the depths of the Amazon Rainforest, skydive for the first time, or learn to juggle chainsaws.

Now, trying a new libation here and there certainly isn't in the same Danger Category as any of those activities, but to the right kind of person, seeking out a new spirit is an absolute thrill in and of itself. And both first time and experienced drinkers will admit that from time to time, they need their own guide through the peaks and pitfalls of their thrill seeking.

Now, there are two avenues to finding oneself a guide in the world of spirits, known professionally as On-Premise and Off-Premise Sales. Off-premise, casually speaking, can generally be said to occur at home – meaning that one buys a bottle of their favorite or a new brand, goes home and opens it up and experiences/enjoys it, literally, off the premises of the liquor store they purchased it at. On-premise traditionally refers to actually drinking on the premises of a restaurant or a bar, somewhere with a liquor license. Make sense? Good.

Here's where it gets interesting. Everyone knows that old stereotype of the bartender who sidles up to your part of the bar and listens to all your considerable woes while you try and drown them, but equally known to the real spirit aficionados is the concept, moreover, the legend, of the Educated Bartender.

The Educated Bartender is, in no uncertain terms, the ultimate adventure guide to any drinker at his or her bar. The Educated Bartender not only knows how to pour and mix any drink asked of them, they know everything about the ingredients they're using, too. They can espouse the differences between Tanqueray and Bombay Sapphire without blinking, championing the strengths and weaknesses of both, and even sharing their personal preferences when asked. An Educated Bartender is to us drinkers what an experienced, cautious, professional guide is to anyone seeking to make it to the top of Mount Everest or into the heart of the Amazon – nothing short of a lifeline. After all, people on their adventures are told to trust their guides' directions and no harm will fall to them – the same thing goes for drinkers and their Educated Bartenders.

There are even, at certain Off-Premise locales around the globe, employees who could conceivably qualify for the title of Educated Bartender, despite their not tending a bar at all. You know the type, the beer guy or the whisky guy that single handedly directed you toward your new favorite libation after asking you “What do you usually drink, and what are your favorites?”

These rare guys and gals, just like the legendary Educated Bartenders, are nothing short of amazing at what they do. They know what mixes well with what, what's quality and what's not, and their expertise extends not only to distilled spirits like whisky and gin, but to wine and beer, as well. And they're easy to find – any large liquor store worth its salt is going to have at least one on staff. They've become much more prevalent than the Educated Bartenders, so in essence, they have inherited the mantle itself. Of course, that's not to say that the Educated Bartender is extinct. No, they live on, but it simply takes some dedicated looking to find one.

A bartender should know everything about their bar, even if they're not an Educated Bartender. It doesn't take being an Educated Bartender, but it helps. Any bar-back should be able to answer “What's your favorite whiskey?” or “What's good and new?” when asked, instead of just letting their eyes go goggly because she's a postgrad who only drinks Vodka-Cranberries.

Unfortunately, we do in fact live in an age of casual bartending, and the Educated Bartender has been relegated from the gold standard to the stuff of near-forgotten myth and half-remembered legend. These days, one would be hard pressed to find an Educated Bartender in one in say, ten million – way less than there used to be. However, the Educated Bartender does exist, they're just so rare that they often go unnoticed, or if recognized for what they are, sadly unappreciated in this age of hip, post-ironic Pabst drinking.

What it comes down to is an issue of customer service. On-Premise or Off-Premise, you should be drinking what you enjoy, and the Educated Bartender has the skills, the libationary kung-fu, enough to bring you your favorite or to direct you toward something new that you'll brag about to your friends. At its worst, it's incredibly helpful, and at its best, it's an art form. A nearly-lost art form, but a valuable art form nonetheless.

The Educated Bartender is the very best advantage that any on-premise establishment could possibly acquire, even more so than the bottles lining the mirrored shelves, as they would – and should – be able to guide both the management and the establishment's respective patrons in their drink purchases.

Needless to say, if you find a bar whose 'tender is willing to rate the pros and cons of different labels of scotch, and seems to know vastly more than the run-of-the-mill bar-backs you're used to dealing with, keep going back to that bar. You might have just struck gold and found your way into a new adventure. It may not be juggling chainsaws, but who wants to do that, anyway?