Whisk(e)y and food; food and
whisk(e)y. It’s all the rage!
Everywhere you turn, from the pages
of magazines, to various websites,
to live tasting events, it seems
that every distillery wants to
promote fine whisk(e)y as an
alternative to fine wine, or even
beer, as a compliment to a good
meal. I think that’s great!!!
Honestly. To me, even more than
wine, a “cool” whisk(e)y adds both
intrigue and depth to an otherwise
delicious culinary offering. Um…one
problem, though. How often do you
“partake” of delicious culinary
offerings? I’m guessing that it’s
probably less often than you partake
of a glass of your favorite hooch.
It is for me.
Don’t get me
wrong, I love a good meal – one
designed to separate you from the
contents of your wallet. I love the
slow pacing, the attention of the
wait staff, the care that goes into
both the preparation and
presentation of the food, etc. etc.,
blah, blah, blah.
But, who’s
kidding whom? If you’re blue-collar
(not blue-blood) you’re eating at
chain restaurants! Boonnigans,
Froodays, Toosdays, Appleboos, the
list goes on {note how the
restaurant names have been changed
to cleverly mask their identities
and prevent frivolous lawsuits}.
Now, these restaurants, and others
like them that exist like fields of
mushrooms across the American
landscape, are reasonably priced
alternatives to either a) eating at
home, or b) watching “the game” by
yourself, at home, all alone, in the
dark. Er…sorry, I digressed.
The dilemma that
I have is: try to get yourself a
“cool” dram of whisk(e)y there.
Can’t be done! Oh sure, they all
carry Johnnie Black and Red, a
bottle of Jack, some Dewar’s,
Canadian Club for variety, maybe one
or two others (maybe), but that’s
it! No cool drams. Nothing of
interest that you haven’t had eight
thousand times. Now I know what
you’re thinking – Does anything
really go with broccoli balls? Well
I don’t know, but I’d like to find
out! I mean, I’m not suggesting that
your local Boonnigans start stocking
Duncan Taylor’s whole range of
one-off bottlings. But could we at
least start with Diageo’s whole
classic malts range? Half of it?
Please. And to those who think that
these restaurants are little more
than “lowest common denominator”
restaurants, just think of the sheer
number of patrons they serve. Why
it’s far more than the snooty
restaurant with the delicious
culinary offerings that few can
afford. I think that there’s a
tremendous untapped market for
whisk(e)y distributors in this
country. But how to get their
attention?
And then it hit
me! A Secret Society! Yes, that’s
it! One that’s dedicated to being
able to get interesting whisk(e)y
anywhere you dine, not just at fancy
places. A society for you and me,
for anyone with down-to-earth values
and pie-in-the-sky dreams. A society
for the working man, bound together
by a love of good whisk(e)y, good
times, and the desire to not be
denied! Introducing: Everyone
Understands the Need for
Uncompromising Cool Hooch, or
EUNUCH. Yes, EUNUCH. Oh sure, our
society will start out powerless and
impotent, but as membership grows
and grows, our message will be
flaccid no more! Imagine the
surprise of your local chain
restaurant bartender when you tell
him or her that you will not get
excited about his or her barren
selection of whiskies because you
are a EUNUCH! Ha! I can almost see
the look in their faces!
Now I understand
that not everyone is up for the
challenge of being a EUNUCH, but I
can assure you that, on this one, my
internal compass has never pointed
me in a straighter direction. Hoist
the mainsail on this one, I say.
But, remember, there’s strength in
numbers, and we want to be hard to
ignore. To paraphrase Arlo Guthrie,
if only one person accepts my
challenge, they’ll probably just be
ignored. If two people proclaim that
they’re EUNUCHs, they’ll probably
just be thought of as “funny” and,
possibly, be thrown-out of the bar.
But, if three, four, or more people
start proclaiming themselves, well
friends, then we’ll have a movement!
And that’s what this is.
So remember, the
next time your local Boonnigans
barkeep tries to offer you some hard
Canadian Club with your broccoli
balls, just turn to him, shake your
head, stand up, and shout, “No sir!
I cannot! I am a EUNUCH!”
Let me know how
it goes.
|
Questions or comments are welcome, I can be reached at
brett@whiskyguild.com
vol1
|
vol2 |
